I keep screwing up, over and over. I’m not the pure, good person I always thought I would grow up to be. I realized for the past year I have been so completely alone. I am surrounded by people, sure. But I stand alone in my faith. I am constantly loving on people who need it, but then they’ll say something that hates on God or people who believe in Him. And I sit there quietly and sadly and say nothing like a coward. I always thought I could reach out to people by loving on them and accepting them and maybe showing them God’s love through actions. But I just can’t do it alone, I am not strong enough. God is there, of course. But I don’t have friends I can talk to. I don’t have people up here that can hold me accountable and encourage me. 

It’s been a lonely walk and I am now realizing that. Most of my life I’ve taken to being by myself in my room, canceling plans, pushing people away. 

And now when I am with people I feel like I sometimes just don’t know how to connect anymore. Like I can’t be everything that I am around them.

Realizing this is the first step I suppose. It’s time for some change. I hope I can meet people that don’t make me feel so alone. Even just one person. For my own sanity. 

I forgave him - but I never forgot what he did. If you’re committed to someone and let another person get close to you, even emotionally, that is a no-no. We may think flirting is healthy, but it depends on how far you take it. That episode taught me a lot, and I swore never to do it to someone else. Stay fully committed and do not allow any gaps in your relationship for someone else to fill. Today social media puts infedelity at our fingertips. I guard myself against facebook by backing off before anything happens. I ignore flirty messages, chats or ‘dangerous’ invitations. Emotional affairs tend to escalate - from chatting to lunch to drinks to… - My relationship is based on trust and I will never break that.